Hope in a dream

I had a terrible dream last night. At the end of it I was standing next to a crevasse with my mom somewhere in the vast surroundings of the grand canyon. I had just told my mom to share a story with another person who was there and as she was preparing to do so she stepped back accidentally in to the deep, unending depths of the crevasse. I watched in horror the look on her face as she realized that she would be gone forever in this world. I tried to grab her but it was too late. The darkness swallowed her whole. Out of my core rose a cry I've never experienced before. A deep, guttural moan came raging forth. She was gone. Vanished. Forever in this world. As I awoke I realized right away that it was a dream but the anguish continued. I couldn't catch my breath, I cried, I moaned. It seemed all too unbearable. Yet, in actuality I had lost nothing. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her still face, cut with grief knowing that we would be separated forever. I couldn't go back to sleep.

Now, I am sitting on my back porch watching the sunrise, basking in the life that I have been graciously given. Tears continue to stream down my face because I am grateful that my mom is still here.

But, the reality is. One day she will not be here. And one day I will not be here. So, my contemplation this morning comes from that depth of ache and sorrow and stillness. Sitting here in this weather torn rocking chair, looking over the horizon at the glory of the sunrise with the promise that it will shed it's rays on my depleted body. The sun is peaking through the trees daring me to stand boldly and display the light of the world to those in darkness.

For I was once in darkness and my dream so quickly reminded me that darkness can quickly and easily cover our human souls. But, the truth is, my hope, my circumstances, my dreams, my fears, they do not lie in man. So, as sad and heartbreaking as it would be to lose my one and only mother may I dare to say that my hope would remain in the fact that we have a great Savior. One who commands the sun to rise and fall. One who gave me eyes to see and experience the glory of my surroundings.

I was lead to Psalm 84 this morning.

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, YES, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise! Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed! FOR A DAY IN YOUR COURTS IS BETTER THAN A THOUSAND ELSEWHERE. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a SUN AND SHIELD; No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!"

May God grant you and me and those who trust in him the blessing of living from strength to strength. May his glory shine from our lives, not only receiving his grace and mercy but sharing that good news with those who have seen their lives fall in to the depths, the dark chasm of life. Arise, there is a hope. His name is Jesus. Let all who thirst come and drink deeply of the Son.