Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
music
Somewhere along the road I forgot what music does for my soul. I LOVE to sing. I really wish that someday, somehow, I could be a recording artist. I know...it's a big dream. But, man, that would be amazing. It's my passion...and it's the only one I know of. When I was younger I wanted to be the girl in Caedmon's Call...ha ha. I thought she was super cool. It seemed that every concert she would wear overalls. I totally wanted to be her. Now, I think I just want to be me...but a singing me. Forget pastries!
Thinking about wanting to be people...I also wanted to be the little mermaid with gadgets and gizmo's of plenty...I know you are singing the song, don't lie. And I'm pretty sure you know all the words like me. And I really, really wanted to sing like Cosette in Les Miserables. Oh, the tragedy.
Thinking about wanting to be people...I also wanted to be the little mermaid with gadgets and gizmo's of plenty...I know you are singing the song, don't lie. And I'm pretty sure you know all the words like me. And I really, really wanted to sing like Cosette in Les Miserables. Oh, the tragedy.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
where freedom lies
This might explain a little about the title of my blog... I wrote this song on December 5th, 2007 on a dark night of the soul. I'm growing in the belief of the words.
where does my freedom lie today
in the waste of selfish things
they fill me up for a little while
then disappear on fleeting wings
where does my freedom lie tomorrow
in a field of blooming spring
the colors bright and dancing freely
it’s beauty I can only sing
for where is this taste of freedom
that holds me on this path
for where is this taste of freedom
beyond this grip of wrath
for where is this taste of freedom
am I strong enough to endure
for where is this taste of freedom
In lies Hosanna I’m sure
where does my freedom lie today
in the waste of selfish things
they fill me up for a little while
then disappear on fleeting wings
where does my freedom lie tomorrow
in a field of blooming spring
the colors bright and dancing freely
it’s beauty I can only sing
for where is this taste of freedom
that holds me on this path
for where is this taste of freedom
beyond this grip of wrath
for where is this taste of freedom
am I strong enough to endure
for where is this taste of freedom
In lies Hosanna I’m sure
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
midnight ramblings
It is very seldom that I have sleepless nights. And I'm not sure that I can officially consider tonight one of them yet since I've only been in bed for an hour. But, it will be a short night if I ever fall asleep...gotta love Bebo singing in my ear at 4:15 am. Even after taking a pain killer earlier this evening, I lie awake.
I was just thinking about Andre, a man I met last Friday at Lynn Park. I wonder how he is sleeping tonight under the 1st Avenue bridge. Can you imagine? And I also think about Alicia, the lady I met a few months ago holding her cardboard testimony in front of Office Max. She hasn't returned my phone calls, but I haven't stopped thinking about her, wishing that there was something I could do to help her homelessness. Sometimes I think my prayers are not enough. Surely there is something that I can do. But, then I have to stop and check my self because if God is the God of this universe then he has all the Andre's and Alicia's in his hand. And no matter how much we think that WE can make a difference in these peoples lives...it is truly Christ who moves mountains, our hearts and the lives of 'the least of these.'
2 years ago I began going to feed the homeless in 'tent city' in Las Vegas. What a site to see. Rows of make shift tents to shade themselves from the heat, the stench of dirty bodies mixed with alcohol and urine. In 110 degree heat...all I can say is wow. At this point I did not know my now very close friend Robin. I remember that she had driven her jeep down there one day. She had the back hatch open getting some supplies for the food. She was talking with a woman like she was her equal and with a love that I couldn't quite comprehend. She had a nice pair of shoes sitting back there. The woman admired the shoes and with out hesitation Robin gave them to her. "They are just shoes," she said. "And they didn't really fit anyway."
It was a few days ago that I realized how God has changed my compassion level for 'the least of these.' 2 years ago I sat watching as others gave what they had to the homeless...and I just served food, not wanting to get my feet wet. And last Friday, the first thing I wanted to do was go sit with them. Talk to them. Listen to their stories and hear how the lines came about on their faces. I'm beginning to realize what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I no longer want to hide behind the food. I want to love them. Father, continue to break my heart and use me to touch 'the least of these.'
I was just thinking about Andre, a man I met last Friday at Lynn Park. I wonder how he is sleeping tonight under the 1st Avenue bridge. Can you imagine? And I also think about Alicia, the lady I met a few months ago holding her cardboard testimony in front of Office Max. She hasn't returned my phone calls, but I haven't stopped thinking about her, wishing that there was something I could do to help her homelessness. Sometimes I think my prayers are not enough. Surely there is something that I can do. But, then I have to stop and check my self because if God is the God of this universe then he has all the Andre's and Alicia's in his hand. And no matter how much we think that WE can make a difference in these peoples lives...it is truly Christ who moves mountains, our hearts and the lives of 'the least of these.'
2 years ago I began going to feed the homeless in 'tent city' in Las Vegas. What a site to see. Rows of make shift tents to shade themselves from the heat, the stench of dirty bodies mixed with alcohol and urine. In 110 degree heat...all I can say is wow. At this point I did not know my now very close friend Robin. I remember that she had driven her jeep down there one day. She had the back hatch open getting some supplies for the food. She was talking with a woman like she was her equal and with a love that I couldn't quite comprehend. She had a nice pair of shoes sitting back there. The woman admired the shoes and with out hesitation Robin gave them to her. "They are just shoes," she said. "And they didn't really fit anyway."
It was a few days ago that I realized how God has changed my compassion level for 'the least of these.' 2 years ago I sat watching as others gave what they had to the homeless...and I just served food, not wanting to get my feet wet. And last Friday, the first thing I wanted to do was go sit with them. Talk to them. Listen to their stories and hear how the lines came about on their faces. I'm beginning to realize what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I no longer want to hide behind the food. I want to love them. Father, continue to break my heart and use me to touch 'the least of these.'
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Lessons from the crow
First of all...my parents guest bathroom shower is the most amazing place to sing!! Reign in Us never sounded so good! I bet God gets a kick out of that kind of stuff.
Today was interesting...not a whole lot, out of the ordinary, happened. I came to spend the night at my parents because I was feeling a little blue after counseling today. I usually have to process what goes on in counseling for about 24 hours afterwards. And, yes, counseling is my sanity! It's a love/hate relationship, but seeing how much God has brought me through in the past year with counseling is pretty amazing. Which brings me to what God clearly showed me the other day...and how I fully understand that today.
Lesson #1--I had gotten to dinner pretty early so I thought that I would read my Bible. I know, you're shocked...me too! But, I found myself fascinated with the complexity of life around me which taught me some very simple lessons. I was sitting outside and there was some food sitting on the table next to me about 10 feet from the trash can. There was a half smashed brown paper bag hanging from the trash can and it apparently still had some food in it. I was watching a crow go from the ground to the top of the trash can over and over and over again. It was trying to no avail to pull the contents of the bag out to snack on. Now, mind you, there is still a plate of food on the table next to me out for the taking. This crow insisted on trying to peck at the bag from the top of the can and from the railing and from every which way. The bag was not moving. So, after watching this for about 5 minutes the crow gave up and went on its way to scavenge something else.
Lesson #2--After watching the crow fly away in disdain, I noticed that across the parking lot there was a guy washing the windows at the Dairy Queen. He was so methodical in his motions that I couldn't help but watch. First, he would just kind of throw the soap on the window like he didn't care where it went. But, then, pulling from top to bottom he would take the squeegee and very slowly wipe the dirt and grime off of the glass.
Why, you ask, am I writing about crows and window washing!?! I realized the meaning today...
So often I don't see the perfectly good food sitting on the table because I am so busy trying to pull the shit out of the trash can. I forget that what God has for me is so immeasurably better than anything that I try to dig out myself. Also, while I look so intently at the trash can I forget that someone is watching me...wanting something so much more for me than the garbage of this world. And when the kid threw the soap on the windows I could just see that as my sin and my garbage thrown up in God's face...and without hesitation, he slowly wiped the dirt, filth, grime, jealousy, hate, lust, envy, bitterness, and selfishness(I'm quite sure I've left a few... or a few thousand off) away to reveal a clean, clear as day window for us to look through.
So, I wonder how many simple and beautiful lessons, through the complexity of His creation, I have missed because I have not been still and known that He is God.
Man, I haven't even touched what I really wanted to write about tonight, but again, sleep calls my name. I had so many interesting thoughts today and wish that on occasion I could record every thought that crosses my mind. Like I said...on occasion. I would be terrified if it could happen all the time!
Today was interesting...not a whole lot, out of the ordinary, happened. I came to spend the night at my parents because I was feeling a little blue after counseling today. I usually have to process what goes on in counseling for about 24 hours afterwards. And, yes, counseling is my sanity! It's a love/hate relationship, but seeing how much God has brought me through in the past year with counseling is pretty amazing. Which brings me to what God clearly showed me the other day...and how I fully understand that today.
Lesson #1--I had gotten to dinner pretty early so I thought that I would read my Bible. I know, you're shocked...me too! But, I found myself fascinated with the complexity of life around me which taught me some very simple lessons. I was sitting outside and there was some food sitting on the table next to me about 10 feet from the trash can. There was a half smashed brown paper bag hanging from the trash can and it apparently still had some food in it. I was watching a crow go from the ground to the top of the trash can over and over and over again. It was trying to no avail to pull the contents of the bag out to snack on. Now, mind you, there is still a plate of food on the table next to me out for the taking. This crow insisted on trying to peck at the bag from the top of the can and from the railing and from every which way. The bag was not moving. So, after watching this for about 5 minutes the crow gave up and went on its way to scavenge something else.
Lesson #2--After watching the crow fly away in disdain, I noticed that across the parking lot there was a guy washing the windows at the Dairy Queen. He was so methodical in his motions that I couldn't help but watch. First, he would just kind of throw the soap on the window like he didn't care where it went. But, then, pulling from top to bottom he would take the squeegee and very slowly wipe the dirt and grime off of the glass.
Why, you ask, am I writing about crows and window washing!?! I realized the meaning today...
So often I don't see the perfectly good food sitting on the table because I am so busy trying to pull the shit out of the trash can. I forget that what God has for me is so immeasurably better than anything that I try to dig out myself. Also, while I look so intently at the trash can I forget that someone is watching me...wanting something so much more for me than the garbage of this world. And when the kid threw the soap on the windows I could just see that as my sin and my garbage thrown up in God's face...and without hesitation, he slowly wiped the dirt, filth, grime, jealousy, hate, lust, envy, bitterness, and selfishness(I'm quite sure I've left a few... or a few thousand off) away to reveal a clean, clear as day window for us to look through.
So, I wonder how many simple and beautiful lessons, through the complexity of His creation, I have missed because I have not been still and known that He is God.
Man, I haven't even touched what I really wanted to write about tonight, but again, sleep calls my name. I had so many interesting thoughts today and wish that on occasion I could record every thought that crosses my mind. Like I said...on occasion. I would be terrified if it could happen all the time!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Cardboard testimonies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ
Our cardboard testimonies is where our freedom lies... it's as simple as that.
Our cardboard testimonies is where our freedom lies... it's as simple as that.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Under the Son
The past nine months have been drastically different from the first nine months after moving home from Las Vegas. A year and a half ago I came home to Birmingham, where I grew up, to find that I was not home at all. I was living in the house I grew up in, going to the church that I "belonged" to, and hanging out with friends, old and new. But, my heart was not here...I'm not sure that it was anywhere. I soon realized that coming back home meant coming back to issues that I left sitting on the coffee table with dusty covers and unopened pages. There in the open to see, yet passing by every day without even a glance.
I guess I would consider my time in Las Vegas a fertilizing stage. The soil was down, but I had just begun to soak into the depths of the earth and to take grasp of the roots that had been planted in me since my birth. Those two years were possibly my saving grace. God knew I needed a reprieve. The seeds were going to grow...it was just going to take a little time.
Last year the grass grew tall and the weeds needed to be pulled. But, through it all God remained my Abba, my Comforter, my Redeemer, my Restorer. I know that there are so many stories that I could sit here and write about to recall all that he has pulled me out of. But, I guess the best part is that I, weeping at his feet, lying under the Son, didn't even need to say a word and he forgave me. And still today, continues to forgive my wicked heart. I am humbled and love that He loves me.
"You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much.
Luke 7:46-47
I guess I would consider my time in Las Vegas a fertilizing stage. The soil was down, but I had just begun to soak into the depths of the earth and to take grasp of the roots that had been planted in me since my birth. Those two years were possibly my saving grace. God knew I needed a reprieve. The seeds were going to grow...it was just going to take a little time.
Last year the grass grew tall and the weeds needed to be pulled. But, through it all God remained my Abba, my Comforter, my Redeemer, my Restorer. I know that there are so many stories that I could sit here and write about to recall all that he has pulled me out of. But, I guess the best part is that I, weeping at his feet, lying under the Son, didn't even need to say a word and he forgave me. And still today, continues to forgive my wicked heart. I am humbled and love that He loves me.
"You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much.
Luke 7:46-47
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