Possibly my longest blog yet...and I'll be surprised if you make it all the way through

"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's...
"He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust." - Psalm 103:1-5, 10-14
"It is striking to me that in these words there is very little for humans to do towards God. This passage is about how God acts towards us. I am called to fear him, receive his grace towards me, and praise him for who he is. This is great news for me because I know my spiritual and moral weakness all too well. I know that left to my own strength and efforts at goodness I am an utter failure. On my own I do indeed dwell in the pit of my own iniquity and spiritual sickness.
Yet I have hope because God is proactive in his love. He does not wait until I am able to do better. He knows that I am dust, that I am weak. And so he takes the initiative. This Psalm (like all mention of God's redemption of humans) makes God the sole agent in what we would call salvation. He alone is the one who forgives. He alone heals and redeems. He crowns, satisfies, and renews. I am not able to earn or effect these things, I can only receive them from his hand. This is my cause for hope; that God, knowing how weak and corrupt my heart is, doesn't deal with me according to my heart but according to his. "



--from the blog of Travis Scott (Transpacificism)



What a great picture of how God views and loves us. Travis and his wife are going to be missionaries in Auckland, New Zealand later this year. I've been following their story every since he came and shared at OMPC during the missions conference. There are many times that I want to join them in their cause, but right now I cannot imagine making a 24 hour plane ride just to visit home. I mean...the flight itself from LA to Auckland is 18 hours. I had a hard time sitting still for the 2 eight hour flights home from Africa.



Again...I have been up for a while this morning. I fell asleep around 12:30 last night and up at 4. I did decide to not go to work today. I know it is probably a bad decision, but I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted right now that it's hard to function in a work environment. I know I'm just putting off the inevitable, but maybe these few hours off will help my brain. I'm not sure that I realized how hard this trip would be for me. I know that I am pretty sensitive when it comes to heart issues, but I just didn't know the magnitude of how I would be affected.



I'm getting a little more excited about sharing pictures and stories and being able to articulate the thoughts in my head. But, not being able to fully do that right now...I'll just share one of my journal entries from the trip.

July 5th--
Julie has given me note cards with a verse on them for each day of the trip...here is the VOD--"Great and amazing are your deeds, O Lord God the Almighty! Just and true are your ways, O King of the nations! Who will not fear, O Lord, and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship you, for your righteous acts have been revealed." Rev. 15:3-4

10 Things I will miss about this trip...

1. Being Peaches roommate and spending so much time with her
2. Having Rebecca next door and getting to hear her laugh
3. Walking out to breakfast and commenting on how beautiful the tree outside the door is
4. TL, logistics and sarcastic comments
5. Scott coming in our room every night marking off how many nights are left here at Lweza
6. Conversations and laughter in B29
7. Holding the children
8.The simplicity of life and faith
9. Riding on the bus, seeing the sights that put my life into perspective--while holding Daniel
10. Feeling the love of my God through the people

~I've loved rooming with Julie over this trip. I have laughed more in the past 10 days than I have in a very long time!
This morning one of our teammates is sick, so I volunteered to stay back and take care of her. I honestly was excited because I didn't have to sit through clinics one last day! I thought I might get a chance to update my blog but it is Saturday and the administration area of the camp is closed. So, this time has been good to just meditate over the past week, journal and thank God for this experience.~
~We got to go shopping in Kampala this afternoon. I guess the best way to describe the city life in Kampala is a 3rd world New York City. There are no lines on the streets to mark lanes. There are people EVERYWHERE. Taxi's and bota-bota's(motorbikes) rule the road. If you can find a spot for your vehicle to fit in to then you can go there. No rules...even working stoplights don't mean anything. The whole city is covered in garbage...a lot of it burning. I guess there's no garbage pick up on Tuesday's and Friday's here! :)
We shopped in two markets searching for items to take back to friends and family. I was having a hard time figuring out what I needed and how much I should be bartering for. It was super hot...we were all sweating like whoa...but one of the highlights of the trip for me. I think I got some pretty cool stuff. ~
~It was pretty hard coming back to Lweza and having to sit down to another meal. Another meal of rice with some sort of meat broth just wasn't very appealing. I didn't get much down. ~
~Julie and I had an early night. I think we have had so much fun talking, laughing and staying up late that tonight we were just tired and ready to be in bed. So, we were both tucked in our mosquito nets by 8:30. The whole week has been super emotional and tonight is no exception. But the emotion is different right now...the entire week my heart has been broken for the Ugandans. Tonight, it is broken because I have watched a father love on his daughter like I have longed for my father to love me my entire life. I have grown up with the Ramsay's so I know what a great and gentle father Bob has been to his 6 kids. This week I have had the opportunity to watch him demonstrate his love to Rebecca. I yearn for the relationship they have. But, I don't think I'll ever want that relationship with my dad. It's sad, but just a fact of life for me and he will never understand the reasons that I have not to love him. He wasn't there while I was growing up and now I don't need him. Harsh, but true. So, over the past two weeks it has been so refreshing to see that not all daughters feel the way I do. I'm sad that we will be going home and I won't get to watch that love anymore.
So, I will most likely fall asleep with tears flowing and heart aching. I so look forward to the day my heavenly father will hold me in his arms like I was meant to be.~

Possibly my longest post yet and I'll be surprised if you've made it through. It's really just a great way for me to release a lot of what is floating around in my head. Now it's 6:27 am. I think I'll go visit Whitney at Starbucks and actually finish the last day of my journal from Uganda.